Men never listen...

Men never listen

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. ‘Sir,’ she said ‘You may use the ladies’ room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.’

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn’t resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. ‘What a nice feeling,’ he thought. ‘Mens’ restrooms don’t have nice things like this.’

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies’ restroom was more than a restroom; it is a tender, loving pleasure treat.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes. He was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. ‘What happened?’ he exclaimed. ‘The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.’ ‘The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.’ MEN NEVER LISTEN

yesterday

Andrei Plesu

Despre munca si daune colaterale

Spring in my step

Branduse, ghiocei, soare si o plimbare luuuuuunga luuuunga - traseu greu, la picior cu un copil atasat si un prieten satul de joaca - Trafalgar Sq - Waterloo Bridge - Westminster Bridge - St James' Park - Green Park - Marble Arch - Hyde Park - cafea intre Hyde Park si Knightsbridge - si double decker bus spre casa. Nu ne-a luat decat vreo 5 ore care au inclus - joaca, dat in carusel (mary-go-round), mancat vata de zahar, alergat prin parc, dat in leagane, topogan si stiu cu sigurantza ca cel putin o persoana s-a bucurat extrem de iesire dupa o saptamana de vacanta in care a stat in casa pe motiv de tuse.

Divertisment sau cum iti ies peri albi cand aplici pentru un pasaport britanic

I don't really think this is real , but there we go:

This is apparently a real passport application letter!!

Don't you wish that you had written this? The last paragraph is the best of all.

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were withcontractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years.
It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake!
I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!


I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen.

Zapada in UK

De ieri pana azi a nins in UK.

Partea proasta: n-au mers trenurile, n-au mers metrourile, n-au mers autostrazile, lume acare a calatorit aseara mai tarziu cu trenul si-a cam petrecut noapte ain tren, legatura sud-est Uk - Londra a fost practic intrerupta.

Partea buna: n-au mers trenurile, metrourile si nici autostrazile, deci cam nimeni din zona asta care lucreaza in Londra nu a ajuns la munca, inclusiv co barbatamiu, care la 7.20 era inapoi acasa cu un zambet pana la urechi, ca sta acasa in zi de lucru pe motive de zapada.

Cum nu s-a intamplat de multi ani, zapada care a cazut s-a si asternut. Cam asa:


Deanna s-a trezit foarte devreme sa aiba timp sa iasa la joaca cu zapada inainte sa mersga la scoala, deci spalat si imbracat pe fuga, mancat si mai pe fuga si a prins si jumate de ora de joaca in zapada.

Ieri dupamasa am fost la un supermarket sa cumparam cate ceva, deja ningea de vreo 2 ore si se asternuse un pic, dar eu nu mi-am facut mari planuri fiindca m-am gandit ca o sa se intample cum sa intamplat pana acum, odata ninsoarea oprita, zapada se topeste in maxim o ora. Deanna ochise un teanc de sanii de plastic pe care le scosesera tantile din depozit si ma cam tragea de maneca sa-i iau si ei una dar eu nu si nu pentru ca pana ajungeam acasa, nu mai era zapada...

Ei bine, zapada s-a tot asternut, a nins aproape incontinuu, asa ca pe la miezul noptii aveam deja vreo 2-3 cm de zapada. Si fiindca aveam barbat la indemana sa duc copil la scoala, am zis dupa scoala mergem si luam sania aia sa facem supriza la copil cand termina orele si mergem sa o luam. Zis si facut, plecat la magazin, luat sanie, facut alte cumparaturi prin alte magazine, venit acasa, facut una alta prin casa pana s-a facut 2.45 si a sosit vremea sa mergem sa luam pitic de la scoala. Am pus sania in portbagaj si dusi am fost.
Acuma urmeaza reclama la mastercard:
sanie rosie de plastic £3
Fatza lui fiimea cand a vazut-o - de ne pretuit :))

Si am inceput sa facem cu randul la datul cu sania de pe delusorul de la capatul terenului de fotbal de la scoala.
si a urmat:

















Si cand in sfarsit am fost deajuns de obositi si inghetati si uzi incat sa ne dam batuti, ne-am urcat in masina si am venit acasa. Acasa a urma o runda scurta de ciocolata calda si haine uscate, dupa care am dat atacul in gradina, unde ne-am apucat de facut oameni de zapada:









Si uite asa ne-am bucurat noi de zapada intr-o zi cat se bucura altii intr-o iarna intreaga :).
Aici sunt copii car en-au mai vazut zapada pana acum. Anul trecut in aprilie a nins jumate de zi si pana seara se topise toata zapada...

Acum Deanna doarme de vreo ora, a plecat la somn dupa ce ne-a imbratisat si pupat si pe mine si pe taicasu, cu obraji rozalii si un zambet mare si ne-a declarat ca asta a fost una dintre cele mai faine zile din viata ei... EVER! :)
I-am spus sa fie pregatita ca pana maine zapada nu o sa mai fie zapada (asa au zis cei de la stiri) si replica a fost - "We can't change the weather, only God can do it, but I had lots of fun today!"